I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
