Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
