i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
