no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
