Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
