It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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