fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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