It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
