Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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