It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
