I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
