Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
