I didn't shave. On purpose
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
