so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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