I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Found the puke drawer
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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