she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
