thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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