found the other keg... it's in the tree
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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