I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
