also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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