peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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