I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My ass is underappreciated
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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