OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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