I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
