Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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