The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
