Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
