eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
