I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
