Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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