when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
