He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did I show you my penis last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
