I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
