Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
