I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
