the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
