All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
