Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
