My first STD was from a foam party
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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