Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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