the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
