Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
