My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
