He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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