I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
