jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
