I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
