You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
