i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
