Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
