U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
