VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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