yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
These tits shall not be calmed
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