im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
