My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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