Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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