I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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