Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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