I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
