Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
