his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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