I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
