She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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