i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
