I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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