Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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