What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
