ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
