you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
