that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
