I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is it penis luge time yet?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
