I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
