He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
