ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
