meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
should my penis look like a turkey
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
