Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And then my night got REAL pukey
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
